Mice with horns? WTH..

[Skillet]

12 hours ago, left field said:

I have discovered that one of the last wild jackalope populations in the Northeast exists on my property.

First introduced to Wyoming by the Messrs. Herrick, there are a few pockets of jackalopes (Lepus antilocapra wyomingensis) throughout the continent where microclimates best mimic their natural environment in the Principality of Florin.

Though they are protected, occasionally you can get a nuisance permit. You see, when a male jackalope reaches a venerable age, he takes to stealing whisky, cigars and rhubarb pie from local cabins. And since they can often mimic human voices, a drunk jackalope will sit outside your window and taunt you by disparaging the quality of your cigars. Strangely, he will happily eat the most mundane rhubarb pie.

Since spring, I have been kept up at night by a particularly cruel jack insulting my Crown Royal and cheap Dominican cigars. To make it worse, he’s been doing so by imitating my Canadian accent. Bastard.

I applied for a permit.

Official jackalope season is only one day a year — June 31, from midnight to 2 a.m. — and to qualify the hunter must have an IQ greater than 50 but not over 82. The only allowed weapon is a slingshot made from the crotch of a dead elm and hockey elastics loaded with fools gold. Killing a jackalope isn’t easy.

You are allowed to bait them, so I put out a 30-year-old Laphroaig and a fake cuban Romeo that I had been saving for a special occasion. He took the bait.

At 1:17 a.m., I saw a little movement near the bottle and heard, “Finally something decent, eh.” I listened as he poured three toes of whisky and fired up a match to light the cigar. As the flame lighted up his face, our eyes met. He just had time to whisper, “You clever hoser,” as I let loose.

Pretty happy with the way the mount turned out.

That was some Pat McManus quality writing right there!

Thanks. I needed the laugh.