Need opinions

[Swamp_bucks]

Back story my FIL died from a massive heart attack back in July.  He was never a big hunter  but he went out on the opener and none of his kids hunt.  Well he had taken me aside earlier in the year and said that all his long guns will go to me whenever he passes since I’m the only hunter as long as they go to my son.( his last blood grandson) My MIL has brought them up in conversation but isn’t ready to let them go and I’m in no need of them so I told her that is fine keep them as long as you want. 

My wife would like me to take his deer gun opening day this year and I would as well.  I’m just torn because I don’t want to sound like a dick asking to use it before she’s ready to give them to me.  I was planning on asking her to use it for that day and bring it back that night. Obviously a time before as well to make sure it’s on. 
 

What would you do and is it disrespectful to ask to use his gun to honor him by taking it out when she hasn’t given them to me yet?

 

thanks for the input in advance. I’ve been going back and forth for over a month about it.

Edited November 5, 2023 by Swamp_bucks

[Spaceman Spiff]

I would let it ride this year. Next year is coming, let that wound heal. However your wife knows her mother, it may not be a big deal to ask. Everyone is different and handles death in various ways. 

[Steuben Jerry]

First off, sorry for the loss of your father in law.

I don’t think asking is disrespectful at all. But I think she also is still in the grief stage where giving away his important heirlooms is like losing more of him. I’d tell her you’re going to dedicate the opener to him (without his gun). If she doesn’t pass them on to you this season, I’d bet she does during the coming year, especially knowing that was his wish.

 

[crappyice]

I assume she is a non-hunter, that makes this harder since non-hunter don't really get what we are doing when hunting. Sure we are pursuing game but while doing that we are reliving through our memories everything. Having his gun is the best tribute you can make to him. But if she isn't ready, no big deal-your FIL will still be being you anyway. 
Sorry for your lose. 

[nygrandpa]

Sorry for your loss.

I don't think that asking is being disrespectful. Sounds like you have a good relationship with your mother in law and want to avoid upsetting her. Communication is sometimes hard under those conditions. Since your wife likes the idea of you carrying his gun to honor him maybe have her talk to her mom about it. She could explain that it would mean a lot to you and make the suggestion to mom. If it goes farther that's up to mom. She might actually think it's a good idea.

Just my 2 cents.

[G-man]

I would.tell her you would like to take  " him " hunting opening day and you will bring  it back..

[Splitear]

Not disrespectful at all, I think it’s quite the opposite. You’re doing it to honor him, nothing wrong with that at all. It may even be a positive for her, seeing a piece of her late husbands legacy continue to bring joy to the family. I don’t know how old your son is, but if he could go along, it would be that much more special. 

[Swamp_bucks]

1 minute ago, Splitear said:

Not disrespectful at all, I think it’s quite the opposite. You’re doing it to honor him, nothing wrong with that at all. It may even be a positive for her, seeing a piece of her late husbands legacy continue to bring joy to the family. I don’t know how old your son is, but if he could go along, it would be that much more special. 

He’s only 6 so not big enough yet for stateland hunting, but when he does get big enough it’ll be fun. 

[Larry]

Try this the worst she can say is no. Ask if you can take your father in-laws deer gun hunting this year in honor of his memory and you will give it back at the end of the season.

[Swamp_bucks]

1 minute ago, Larry said:

Try this the worst she can say is no. Ask if you can take your father in-laws deer gun hunting this year in honor of his memory and you will give it back at the end of the season.

That was kinda what I was leaning towards even giving it back after opening weekend or day.  

[ShootEm]

Sorry for your family’s loss @Swamp_bucks
 

I’m going to agree with @nygrandpaAt this point, nobody knows your mother in law better than your wife. She’ll be able to take the temperature on it and know, then she can move it further and ask if it feels right. I’d just have her emphasize that it’s strictly a borrow for a weekend or few weeks then give it right back type of situation.

[mowin]

So sorry for your loss @Swamp_bucks. 

I lost my brother this June. We hunted together for 40+ years. When our father passed, he got Dad's rifle. Now that he passed, his son has inherited his rifle. Shaun hunts, but is not as big a hunter as myself and his father.  Both of us are going out opening day, and I really want to use that rifle, but I know Shaun is wanting to do the same.  

We talked about it and he's using it opening morning, and I'm using it for the afternoon hunt.  

I guess what I'm saying is talk to your MIL. Tell her how much it would mean to you too have him and his rifle by your side for opening day, or the season. 

[Wolc123]

Speaking from 44 years of experience, it is really nice to be able to hunt with a “special” gun like that.  Sadly, I was never able to hunt with my grandfather, but I do think about him every time I hunt with one of the guns that he left me.  No doubt that gives me more incentive to get out there. 
 

My favorites are his old 16 gauge shotguns.  His side by side J. Stevens took my first kill of the year (a bunny this February), and his Ithaca 37 got my last “legally” antlered buck in 21.  
 

If the temperature is going to be below freezing, I’ll most likely be toting that old Ithaca on opening day of gun, again this year.  Hunting on his old farm on that day makes that experience even better.  
 

I also used to shoot trap with his old side by side pre-NID Ithaca 12 ga.  A buddy on our team had one of the NID’s (I think they came out in the mid 1920’s), but the main firing spring broke on it on our last round.  Now it is a mantle piece.   We always brought the side by sides out for a round or two each season.  I loved telling the folks with the over/unders that if God wanted you to shoot a gun like that, He would have put your eyes that way. 
 

Maybe, I’ll bring it down from the fireplace, get it repaired,  and shoot another round with it some day for grandpa.  Better yet, I’ll just leave it there and let my own grandkids do that someday. 

Edited November 5, 2023 by Wolc123